How To Survive Cancer

In September of 1988 I was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma. I was 31 years old and previous to this, immortal. Perhaps I was mistaken on the last part. Two months later on New Years Eve my ex-wife left me taking our two year old daughter. In March of 1989 I finished eight months of very intense chemotherapy. The depression started long before that.

 

As of this writing I’m still alive so I guess the chemo worked. It worked at clearing the cancer in my body but it did nothing to soothe the cancer that was festering in my emotions. As hard as it was having cancer, the pain of losing my young family was devastating. How we got to that point is unimportant, both to the point of this article and to the decades that have past. I’ve long since forgiven my ex-wife for her actions and myself for whatever I may have done to lead her to them. I have a terrific relationship with my daughter (she’s 20) and my present wife of 13 years.

 

But my survival is proof to anyone who thinks things are hopeless. It’s funny, I had people ask me-“How did go through with all that, how did you survive?” My answer was always- “Because I’m not too fond of the alternative” Truly, I went to chemo when I had to, cried, drank too much, finally went to work, met new friends and lovers (even with a “chemo-cut”), and eventually found life again. There was no magic bullet and no short cut. It hurt sometimes, a lot. And it taught me valuable lessons. It hardened me and softened me as well. I still don’t know the meaning of life. I still sometimes act as if I’ll live forever- and this from someone who smelled death’s putrid breath! Even being in that situation I still find pain, sorrow, joy, excitement, and happiness. We cannot know the number of our days nor how we might spend them. The only thing you can control is how you process what happens to you. If someone dies and no one calls you, that death has no affect on you. That loved one died and you don’t care…and how could you? So it’s not the action, it’s the reaction that affects you. Subjective Reality? I don’t know. But I do know it’s true.